Poor Scott Peterson

March 25, 2005

By Douglas B. Wakeman

Can you imagine poor Scott Peterson's frustration.  It turns out that all he had to do was lock Laci in the basement and starve her to death.  Then, he could just tell the judge that it was her wish to die that way.  Nobody would ever be able to touch him.

Apparently Terri's heart attack was brought on by dieting.  What if, when Michael Schiavo said this is what she would have wanted, he only meant to lose the weight?

Meanwhile, the entire US press corps is in Florida reporting on this agonizingly long, slow, tortuous decline and death.  It's not as hard as you think.  They're still fresh from covering the Kerry campaign.  After Terri dies, they're heading to Vatican City.  Really, the flights are all booked